Saturday, May 14, 2011

No news is good news--right?

So the saying goes--no news is good news. Or is it? Where I'm concerned, my mom observed about me once, "when we don't hear from you in a while we know something's wrong."

And it's been almost a month since I've posted on here, hasn't it? I've missed Easter, Mother's Day, and even Adria's 7 month post. Don't worry, they will come. But here's what's been going on.

I try not to complain, and I particularly try not to say too much about work, because well, you never know who's listening, right? I learned once a long time ago, you can't take back your words. And you especially can't take back words you put in writing and send out into cyberspace! But the truth is that I've been struggling lately.

A few weeks ago one of our employees was fired. For reasons that aren't important. But his workload was divided between the Chief and me. Call me Deputy Chief. Which wasn't any small thing when added to our already existing workloads, along with those Deputy Chiefly duties. So there's that.

And then a few weeks ago I heard that one of my co-workers "misquoted" me, or basically slandered me to one person, who told another person, who told Someone of Great Importance, who, coincidentally, was the one I was misquoted of speaking against. And that person told my boss. So I had to set things straight with my boss. And then with this person. Not fun no matter what direction you approach it from.

I have had no less than 30 messages on my phone at any one time for the last 2 weeks, and just cannot seem to make progress on getting through them. Hope you haven't called! I have been called away from my office time at least half the time I should be there getting things done. Like the phone messages, for example.

And so yesterday, the inevitable happened. Things have started to slip. While also covering for one of my own employees who was recovering from surgery, I got called into a meeting with the man in charge of our contract, basically the reason my office exists, and agreed to do something for him. Then, on my way out, I was met by the same Person of Great Importance with whom I now have to work on my relationship and was drawn into a small meeting with them. And when I was finally back out on my own... I let the thing I agreed to do slip. It simply was no longer on my radar.

It's a problem in and of itself, but one that has some resolution, tied up in work details that aren't important. It had something to do with a phone call informing and requesting pardon from the man I let down. But the long and the short of it is clear: I have just got too much on my plate right now, and things are starting to come unraveled. For some time I've just added... and added... and added. But now with the realization that there is only SO MUCH ROOM on said plate. And there are some things of my own which simply cannot slip.

For example, I have a lovely and beautiful 7 month old daughter, who has changed the whole center of my world! (Everything else is peripheral to my family now.) NO MORE long nights for me. At least not at work! (Haha.) Just an example. Not to mention my amazing husband, who deserves the best from me. My commitment to working out and doing a little something for myself. And of course my blog!

And so, something has got to give.

I have always been, and remain, entirely grateful for my job, the wonderful people I work for, and basically just feeling like I'm good at what I do. But I'm not good at it anymore, and that stress is eeking in and effecting the rest of my life. So.

So all I know right now is that something's got to give. It feels good to be back, though, it feels like I'm fighting to keep up a bit of "me", which feels good, and I'll keep ya posted!

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it's hard to swim back to the top, but you'll make it. I went through a similar situation when Ivy was young. It gets stressful having a job, kid, husband, house, dog...but we always make it. We are Mom, here us roar!