Sunday, May 29, 2011

Houston, we have lift off!

My fabulous little person, she just keeps growing and developing in leaps and bounds! Just the other day I visited her at daycare, and after a snuggle and some playtime, I put my little A in the ball pit, and what does she do? She pulls up! To standing! She's been crawling all over her dad and me for a while, and would pull up onto her legs and stand over us, butt in the air and bent over with her hands on us. But this was completely upright, holding onto the little bar, smiling like she knew she'd just hit on the start of something big!
And wouldn't you know it, now that she's able to coordinate those arms and legs, she can go from laying on her back to her belly to sitting, just like it's no big deal!
And if all that weren't enough--I think she's crawling. They say at daycare she is, and hubby says she crawled forward 1 or 2 feet the other day. Well my rule with daycare is that if I didn't see it, it hasn't happened yet, but I'll definitely start looking for a behavior under their advisement. But my own dear hubby--if he sees it, it counts! But lucky enough for me, I saw her move forward myself yesterday, cutely enough going after my freshly painted and brightly colored toes! I'd seen her rock and roll, scoot and move backwards, but I am willing to attest to it myself--Houston, we have liftoff!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

I woke up as usual this morning, to the sweet cooing of my daughter coming from her room across the hall. She hasn't learned how to say "mama" yet, so for now she just babbles and lets us know she's up. For the record--when she learns it, I'm toast. Putty in her hands.

This is my first Mother's Day, and from the start it was a beautiful day, mostly filled with appreciation for my dear husband and darling daughter, who turned me into a mother. From the moment I walked into her room and she spotted me, her clear baby-blue eyes lit up and she smiled a wide, open-mouthed smile for me, showing me not only the 2 chompers that have been coming in on bottom, but the one off centered upper tooth that makes me smile back and laugh every time I see it.

My darling and I, we ate, and played, and talked and watched a Baby Einstein video, and when she went down for a nap, I crawled back into my own bed to enjoy the luxury of a day meant just for me. While I was sleeping Jason and Adria prepared breakfast for ME, and our slow day together came into full swing. I had already planned what I most wanted for this Mother's Day, which was a lot of time with my dear family, and a lot of time spent doing not much of anything else! So we packed up to go to a local park, picked up sandwiches on the way and before long were stretched out in the sun, laying on a blanket in the grass by the lake. Adria played on the blanket, rolling, getting up on all 4's, and trying to climb over her Daddy and me, and generally making all kinds of grunts and chattering noises. When she discovered the grass we spent the rest of the time trying to keep her on the blanket!

When we'd lazed enough in the sun, Jason dropped me at the local AT&T store to pick up my Mother's Day gift--a new iPhone! (It's a little less glamorous than opening up a shiny package, but the contract is in my name, so I have to be the one to add a line, and he took my love on a ride in the car and she napped while I took care of business, so in my book this was just the thing to do and we all won.)

Back at the house there was more time for playing together before Jason prepared dinner, and we all enjoyed sitting around the table together--Jason and I eating the dinner he'd prepared, and Adria having an absolute ball getting started with finger foods. It was simply the best dining experience I've had in a while. From there it was bath time and bedtime, snuggling with and singing to my precious love before she went down for the night. She lights up my life, that little one does. She's changed everything. Everything in my world, in my day-to-day, and more than anything, in my heart. Just being with her is all I really want under most circumstances, so spending the day celebrating our relationship couldn't have been a richer and more lovely experience for me.

Once she was down for the night, my husband and I enjoyed the rest of the evening filled with no commitments and nothing that needed to get done, and as I laid my head down on my pillow that night of my first Mother's Day, I was so grateful.

Happy Easter!

For Easter Adria's Grandma and Grandpa came over, bearing a basket the Easter Bunny had left for Adria at their house. She was enchanted by a giant pink bunny--as big as she was!--and enjoyed the eggs in her basket.

I joked about this being a "baby Easter Egg hunt":

And for the record, Adria got 5 Easter Baskets, and one Easter Bag this year! What a sweet little girl she must have been! Thank you SO MUCH for making this holiday special for us Matt and Amanda, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Elaine, Great Grandma Marie, and Gamma and Poppy!

No news is good news--right?

So the saying goes--no news is good news. Or is it? Where I'm concerned, my mom observed about me once, "when we don't hear from you in a while we know something's wrong."

And it's been almost a month since I've posted on here, hasn't it? I've missed Easter, Mother's Day, and even Adria's 7 month post. Don't worry, they will come. But here's what's been going on.

I try not to complain, and I particularly try not to say too much about work, because well, you never know who's listening, right? I learned once a long time ago, you can't take back your words. And you especially can't take back words you put in writing and send out into cyberspace! But the truth is that I've been struggling lately.

A few weeks ago one of our employees was fired. For reasons that aren't important. But his workload was divided between the Chief and me. Call me Deputy Chief. Which wasn't any small thing when added to our already existing workloads, along with those Deputy Chiefly duties. So there's that.

And then a few weeks ago I heard that one of my co-workers "misquoted" me, or basically slandered me to one person, who told another person, who told Someone of Great Importance, who, coincidentally, was the one I was misquoted of speaking against. And that person told my boss. So I had to set things straight with my boss. And then with this person. Not fun no matter what direction you approach it from.

I have had no less than 30 messages on my phone at any one time for the last 2 weeks, and just cannot seem to make progress on getting through them. Hope you haven't called! I have been called away from my office time at least half the time I should be there getting things done. Like the phone messages, for example.

And so yesterday, the inevitable happened. Things have started to slip. While also covering for one of my own employees who was recovering from surgery, I got called into a meeting with the man in charge of our contract, basically the reason my office exists, and agreed to do something for him. Then, on my way out, I was met by the same Person of Great Importance with whom I now have to work on my relationship and was drawn into a small meeting with them. And when I was finally back out on my own... I let the thing I agreed to do slip. It simply was no longer on my radar.

It's a problem in and of itself, but one that has some resolution, tied up in work details that aren't important. It had something to do with a phone call informing and requesting pardon from the man I let down. But the long and the short of it is clear: I have just got too much on my plate right now, and things are starting to come unraveled. For some time I've just added... and added... and added. But now with the realization that there is only SO MUCH ROOM on said plate. And there are some things of my own which simply cannot slip.

For example, I have a lovely and beautiful 7 month old daughter, who has changed the whole center of my world! (Everything else is peripheral to my family now.) NO MORE long nights for me. At least not at work! (Haha.) Just an example. Not to mention my amazing husband, who deserves the best from me. My commitment to working out and doing a little something for myself. And of course my blog!

And so, something has got to give.

I have always been, and remain, entirely grateful for my job, the wonderful people I work for, and basically just feeling like I'm good at what I do. But I'm not good at it anymore, and that stress is eeking in and effecting the rest of my life. So.

So all I know right now is that something's got to give. It feels good to be back, though, it feels like I'm fighting to keep up a bit of "me", which feels good, and I'll keep ya posted!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Adria's 7 months!

My dearest daughter,
It's hard to express how proud of you I am. It's not the things you do that make me proud, which are sweet and fabulous in and of themselves, but it's just you being you.
I came into your daycare at lunch the other day just to visit, and you and the two younger girl babies in your room all ended up having floor time together, and it was one of the most delightful experiences watching you love on and make friends with the other two girls. You were the oldest, but none of you were crawling yet (yet!), so you three just babbled and blew bubbles and flapped your arms and looked at each other--three happy, sweet, excited baby girls. You (we) have so many wonderful times to look forward to!
So listen. There will be times you make mistakes in your life. There will be times you end up disappointed, and sometimes disappointed in yourself. And that's ok, because we all learn and are shaped by those times. There will be times when you are NOT the coolest girl on the block, as difficult as those times are to imagine right now. But keep on loving other people, and remember that my love for you isn't based on what you do. Or sometimes don't do. But it's all because you're YOU, darling. And I have to say, that is pretty fabulous.
I love you muchly, you are a delight to me. And I will always be,

Your loving mama