Thursday, December 30, 2010

12th letter to my baby (Daycare baby)

My dearest Adria,
It's amazing to me how my love for you keeps growing! Of course I loved you before you were even born. And then I loved you with a fierce and startlingly strong love when I saw you for the first time. But it seems like every time I see your face that startlingly strong love grows even stronger!

I had to go back to work full time this week and you started daycare, and I think it's been kind of a hard week on us both. We haven't been away from each other for this long at a time, and it breaks my heart a little each time I have to leave you. In fact, I want to linger when I drop you off, and today had to push back tears as I said goodbye to you. Being apart from you makes me think of things I'd like to say to you for the record, in case I don't get to say them to you later. I think of you having these letters and knowing my heart and my words to you when I'm gone. I hope I get the chance to say everything and teach you all along the way, but in case I don't, or if you forget:

1. My job is not more important than you. Definitely not in any way! But my salary pays bills for our family, so it's important that I work to earn that money. This is what's best for our family right now.

2. I wish I could be with you all the time! Your mama loves you and wants you, period. You are loved and wanted!

3. You are a delightful and lovely person. It's easy to be with you, and to be with you just being you and doing the things that you do delights me. For now it's watching you discover things, like your fist. It was fun to watch you looking at your hand opening and closing it the other day, as if you were connecting things for the first time. Or watching you fade off to sleep, with your heavy eyes opening and closing, slower and slower, until you don't open them anymore. Or to see you fix your eyes on me and study my face and smile, or stick your tongue out at me, or start making happy noises. But you have a sweetness about you that comes from the inside out.

4. Tina at daycare this afternoon told me that you were a "good baby", and I think that means you eat and sleep well, and that you allow yourself to be comforted. I'm so proud of you. I know that these few days have been hard on you, as they have been on me. I've seen your red, tired little eyes and how you've passed out once we get you home. Things will be hard in this life, and we have to face them. But you are a person who can face hard things and adapt. I hope this will be true of you throughout your life. Be strong.

5. God is in control of all things, he is good and loving and perfect, and he can be trusted. His perfection can't be in the presence of our sins, so even though he's God, he became a baby that grew up into a man to trade places with us and take the punishment for our imperfections so we could be together in his presence. I trust him. I want you to know and trust him.

There are too many other important things I hope to spend a lifetime teaching you. But these are just a few things I hope you never forget.

I love you fiercely,
Your mama

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