Saturday, November 20, 2010

We all fall apart sometimes

So it's official. I really DON'T know what I'm doing! Jason and I agree that Sweet Baby A has become... well, Fussy Baby A in the last few weeks. I don't necessarily know what's different, but after today it's clear that's not the only thing I don't know!

I thought (and still think) she gets fussy because she's tired. I think it's a symptom of her tiredness, and she's not necessarily fussy in her own right. It's good to have an idea about the cause, but it still does little to help when the nerves are jangled and after you've been cuddling with a peaceful, sweet, snuggly baby, she all of a sudden starts wailing in your ear. And there's nothing you can do for her.

I'll admit it. I've been getting frustrated.

So today, while trying to "put her down for a nap", after she roused herself up and started kicking her little legs and wailing in my ear, I could feel myself getting TOO frustrated, so I had to do it. I put her in the crib, sat back down in my rocker, and just let her cry. I didn't even look at my watch--I think it was 15 minutes or so, maybe more. She finally did "cry it out," and I was so grateful. And I thought since weariness has been her underlying problem, I let her sleep and sleep and sleep. Schedule was out the window today.

She slept for nearly 3 hours! What does that tell you about my sleepy baby?

Alas, she awoke no less crabby than before. My brilliant plan, my throwing the schedule out the window, to no avail! And, I still had that same fussy baby, only now she almost certainly wouldn't nap any of the rest of her "cycles". Which of course she didn't. So her frustrated mama was back to the nerve jangling ear screaming, and she ended up crying in her crib today probably a lot more than either of us would have liked!

So... what did I do to soothe the fussy baby? I nursed. On demand. And I'm sure at least 2 extra feedings snuck in there today. Which is kind of ok, since she slept through one during her earlier, massive nap. But which did little to help regulate any other kind of cycle for Little A for the rest of the day. Grrr...

But really it's no surprise what just happened. About 9:00-9:30 p.m., I demand fed Little A, the only feeding since about 10:00 a.m. that happened to be on schedule, and what do you know? She went right down. Same pattern as our usual schedule. Sweet Baby A. Now what does that tell you?

Every now and then I just fall apart. I still don't know why she's started fussing, and why she struggles with her naps so. I still don't know what to do to make things easier for her. I still don't know whether rocking her to sleep during the day and nursing her to sleep at night is better, or letting her cry it out is better. There is so much I just don't know. I think and I wonder, I hope and I pray, I search the internet, I hear differing opinions, but the fact remains--I just don't know.

Perhaps tomorrow its back to the drawing board. Or perhaps it's just back to the schedule. Lord, help my baby to sleep! And I'm just going to keep doing the best I can. On schedule.


  1. You are doing a great job...and we all go a little crazy sometimes!!! There were many days I felt the same as you do, and still have them all the time. So much of it I'm realizing is trial and error, and working through the schedule. No matter how "scheduled" they are, it just doesn't work some days, they cry a lot sometimes, and there truly is nothing you can do. Andy and I started calling them our "re-start days," and we would joke with the B man about just needing to restart tomorrow. I can't wait to see you and hear about all of it in person, and to see sweet little A! Hope it's a good night.

  2. aww...You are doing a great job. It's a lot of trial and error with these guys.
    One good thing to look forward they will naturally fall into a schedule as they get older.
    Adoration wouldn't go to sleep for the night before 11 pm for the first 2 1/2 months. I tried everything and nothing changed it. Then it was like some kind of switch went off in her. She now goes to sleep at 7 EVERY night.

    Looking back, I'm like "why did I stress about that so much?"

    Really, all we can do is our best and what seems best at the time. I nursed Adoration to sleep at first and worried I was setting up a bad pattern for her...but hey, that's what worked! and by the didn't set a bad pattern up for her. She goes to bed pretty well on her own now.

    Don't stress that the things you end up doing in desperation will be "spoiling" her for the future. It all works out. And all babies are different.

    oh...and adoration would get fussy when she was itty bitty because of gas...which might be why adria is getting fussy. They get gassy so very easily. Try some gripe water or some other gas relief drops.

    But either way...know that this too will pass!

    Baby Adria is so loved and "love covers a multitude of sins." So whether you are doing the "best" thing for her or gets all covered by love in the end. ;)