Saturday, October 16, 2010

Letter to Adria (9th letter to my child)

My dearest Adria,

I'm looking at your sweet face as you're dozing in your little bouncer as I'm writing you this letter, and I'm a bit overwhelmed. You are 5 days old today, and already I feel like I'm learning you. Your face is so familiar to me, and yet surprises me every time I see how beautiful you are. I've already grown to love you so much.

You were born on a Monday afternoon on an absolutely beautiful fall day. The moment I saw you I was simply and completely overcome with emotion--I had been in labor for just about 13 1/2 hours, and all at once I opened my eyes and saw you being born, half in, half out! I began to sob uncontrollable happy tears as my heart hurt from bursting with instant love for you. Granted I've loved you since I knew you existed, but having your little form before me crystallized everything I'd been imagining and dreaming and anticipating for 9 months, and finally having you in this world, on my chest and in my arms was too much for me to grasp. It's like I had hoped so much for your arrival, and for it to come true was almost surprising to me when it actually happened.

I don't know if I believe in too much perfection in this world we live in, but everything about you and your birth and the moments that brought you into this world were perfect. People joke about new parents counting all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, which of course I did too, but mostly I was enamored by your face, your perfect little face. I thanked God for you then, and I thank God for you now. He created you perfectly as he wanted, and somehow he also created you perfectly for me too. Nobody in this life is perfect--not me, and time will prove not you either. But your creation was flawless, and you were made and delivered exactly as our Creator wanted.

I suppose you'll be interested in what you were like as a baby. Your cry was so soft and almost hoarse sounding, it was little more than a sweet baby sigh, and just to hear it melted my heart every time. You were strong from the moment of your birth, and I am amazed at the strength with which you can grasp my finger, or even when lying on your stomach on someone's chest, to push up with your arms and lift your head. In fact, just a little bit ago I had you propped up on my shoulder, and you wiggled and moved around until you were lying across my lap, ready to eat! Granted when you're sleepy you're a little rag doll, and neither arms, legs nor head feel like they've got any strength in them at all! You were a voracious eater from the beginning, which took some getting used to, but which has also been a blessing! You and I just fit together so well, and I love the quiet moments we get to spend together while you're eating, the intense look in your beautiful eyes as you just stare at me, or sometimes around the room. I think life surprised you the first few days, what with all of the sounds, lights, and every new experience being your first. But you have already proven that you're strong and capable and can handle what this life throws at you with grace and ease. You've learned things so quickly! I am praying now that those will be characteristics you will continue throughout your life.

I love you from the core of me. As opposed to any other love I've known in this world, which started from the outside and gradually grasped at my core, I started out loving you from my core, and that love is spreading over the rest of me. I am promising you from this date that I'll always love you, and that I'll always do my best to take wonderful care of you, to share whatever wisdom I have with you in love and to help you grow and develop. You are 5 days old today, but I'll love you with this mother-love until the day I die.

Oh, and one last thing--you've got the hiccups.

With all my heart,
your mama

1 comment:

  1. So beautifully written. You describe your feelings and emotions so well and I just love reading your thoughts and your letters to her. I'm so glad you are enjoying this first week so much and savoring all these little moments with her being so small.

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