Saturday, October 23, 2010

Letter to Adria (10th letter to my child)

My dearest Adria,

Today you are 12 days old.

I asked some of my friends for song suggestions for a playlist for you, and one of them suggested this song, originally from the Disney Dumbo movie, but remade by Allison Kraus--Baby Mine. I have officially fallen in love with this song, and sing and hum it to you all the time, and so far you seem to love it too! It may just end up being "our song".

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part,
Baby of mine.

Little one when you play,
Don't you mind what they say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear,
Baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you,
They'd end up loving you too.
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be,
Baby of mine.

All those same people who scold you,
What they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be,
Baby of mine.
Baby of mine

It makes me think of a few different things when I read through those lyrics or sing to you, and I really want to share those thoughts with you.

#1 is that your life isn't going to be perfect. While your dad and I wish we could give you everything, always be with you, and always protect you in this life, we won't be able to do those things. Sometimes it is hurt that makes us who we need to be. I watched the Dumbo movie version of this song on You Tube today, and the scene had the mother elephant separated from Baby Dumbo because someone with the circus had locked her up. By the time you're able to read and understand these letters I'm writing you, you'll be quite separate from me. Just know that I wish I could do everything to always be there and absorb whatever might come your way and hurt you. But it was our choice that we'd rather have you than wait for some artificial semblance of perfection. Your dad and I know that things won't be perfect, and even now they're not as we'd really like them to be. Your dad is away from us working tonight, just like last night, and just like tomorrow night. And when my 12 weeks maternity leave is up, I'll be away from you back at work 5 days a week. But we chose this path with all its imperfections, so we could have you.

#2 is that with all that is in me I want happiness for you. But since we already know that life isn't perfect and hard things will come in your life, your happiness is going to be up to you. I can't imagine anyone not loving you and seeing you the way I do. I want to show you off to everyone because I think you are extraordinary and beautiful and special. But I know that in your life there will be people who miss that. Other kids, bullies, friends, lovers, whomever. It's a fact of life. But you can choose your response to those hurts. Happiness IS a choice, and your happiness is within you to choose. So when life hurts, choose to remember that you are spectacular, you are wonderfully made, and were created in the utmost love. Choose to remember that you have love surrounding you. Choose to believe the best and to keep hoping. Choose to keep loving. Choose happiness. And happiness will come your way.

I love you to the moon and back. I always will. Perfection and happiness aren't mine to give you. But I do give you all the love that I have.

Your mama

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