Friday, September 10, 2010

35 weeks--oh the feelings I'm feeling!

I suppose I never really understood or gave credit to those pregnant ladies who came before me. Swollen extremities? Pshaw. Excessive weariness? Napping like a champ but being unable to sleep at night? Dropping things? Really going to the bathroom every hour on the hour? Forgetting how to do simple math like 4+8? (The answer is 12!!) Seriously?

Alas... I don't really think it was all just made up, anymore! I'm a believer! (I told Jason I thought my fingers were swollen the other day, then looked down to see if my toes were. I had to stick my foot out to see them. Not yet. Then I just took a moment to admire my recently pedicured watermelon colored toes. He just laughed at me--I don't think he's necessarily a believer yet! Oh well, we've got 5 weeks still to convince him!)

So I'll just be honest--body image and weight gain have been a semi-constant presence in my mind for the last however many weeks. In the beginning it was all about nutrition, controlling weight, getting the right things to my baby, etc. I almost felt more tied in to diet and nutrition than before I was pregnant. But I like to count things (cars, windows on houses, calories, etc.), so it worked out alright for me. Now, in these latter weeks, it feels like the pressure has only intensified. I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day to see where I'm at, but I've always done it, always been conscious of what the scales said, so how could this time be any different? Let me tell you, I thought it would be a big deal to hit the big "one-five-oh", but it seems God has graciously gotten me through it... I never even saw it! We skipped DIRECTLY past 150 and started upwards! So much for my "pound a week" goal! I am getting to where I want to eat all the time, but where I feel like unchecked weight gain will have the biggest consequences, like stretch marks, intensified backaches, and difficulty dropping the weight after baby comes, so it's a terrible internal struggle! (And if you can believe it, I've almost completely stopped counting things! Yikes! It seems the lure of the chocolate cupcake is stronger than my urge to count.)

I do still feel pretty darned good about myself, and my pregnant figure. But there are SO MANY new feelings and changes that are foreign to me now that I'm processing through, like getting out of breath way more easily, high heels making my feet ache, and having my chest actually fold over and touch my stomach now. (Even at that, it only happens occasionally! Ha!) So I'm just experiencing an awareness of all these changes, probably just warming me up for, as people sooo like to remind pregnant couples, "having children changes everything!" (No, you think??) And I think the only thing one can really control is your weight, so that's why it's become a sticking point. Kind of. ;)

But I think it comes down to this: there still ARE 5 weeks to go--probably, round about--and I want to finish strong, the same way I've been proud of this whole pregnancy. But... like I mentioned at the beginning--it truly is harder than it seems! :)

1 comment:

  1. Reading your post reminded me of why pregnancy is called "a second condition/state" in Bosnia. Because that's what it truly is, a state in which a woman is completely different than everything she was before she got pregnant. You're not even the same person as before and by this I don't mean fundamentally different, you're still you - only richer for one new experience with overwhelming new emotions, new thoughts and a whole new life-style! That, my friend, is a huge accomplishment. And whoever said that pregnancy was easy has obviously never been pregnant. Or was some kind of a superwoman... :\ Though honestly, I think that is only a well-composed posture and/or act, put up for others to make herself feel better. For me superwomen are women like you, who are real to the bone, with strengths and weaknesses, ups and downs, and who are not afraid to admit a mistake and expose their truest feelings. So, enjoy your "second condition" and feel free to be proud of yourself because you are doing just great :)

    Sending you much love!