There are so many emotions that compete for my heart these days, most of them joyous and peaceful. I've not been one of those pregnant moms who's worried about every little thing. Things have gone so smoothly for both me and Baby King, I really haven't had too much to worry about!
However, I will freely admit that a few weeks ago, in the shower (don't you do some of your best thinking in the shower?), I had a moment of panic. I never lost control of it, but still it was there, and it started nagging. We are finally getting the baby's room put in order, or at least starting to, and we've registered! So with an upcoming baby shower, 2 worries started nagging away at me--would we really either receive everything we'd need or be able to buy everything we'd need, and the even bigger worry, would anyone show up?
See, about 2 1/2 years ago, Jason and I married, and my dear friend and maid-of-honor Brandy hostessed a bridal shower for me, and I think all totaled, 6 people came. Including me, my mom, the hostess, and her mom. If you do the math, that's not really a lot of people left! It was beautiful, and helped to cement our friendship, but it was hard not to be disappointed. At that time, Jason and I had been back from Sarajevo for just a few months and were going through a lot of transition--particularly breaking away from our previous church. It was a time that hurt a lot, but also that I don't regret in the slightest--leaving that church, or in clinging all the more to Jason. But it came back to me in recent days, a great fear that things wouldn't be any different this time around.
And so the days leading up to my baby shower were emotional, and I spent a lot of time praying to God to place my confidence in Him, both to provide for us physically, and to prove that things were indeed different, that he was providing new friends and a place of belonging as well.
And do you know how God answered my prayers? Completely and extravagantly! Two of the dearest friends I've known, Emily Nelson and Liz Nash, hostessed the party, and when I walked into the house, everything was just so lovely and beautiful! From the way that the room had been set up, to the elaborate spread of goodies including decorated sugar cookies in the shapes of baby carriages and onesies, to the "diaper tree" set atop a darling homemade baby quilt that Emily made, everything was beautiful and special, but most of all were the faces of the ladies, mostly from my new church, standing around! And one by one, even more people started to come! Do you know how many ladies came to this shower? I didn't even have to count, I was just overwhelmed by an outpouring of love and acceptance for me and my little family. I truly had to fight back tears a number of times, just because things were so meaningful to me. Certainly by the gifts, but even more so by the people, God showed me that we're in a different place now, and he began to redeem some of the hurt and worry that had taken place in my heart. I could trust him even with something as important and delicate and difficult as relationships can be--I can certainly trust him with all our physical needs!
I don't know if anyone else in that room will know how important that simple baby shower was to me, or how much I appreciate it, or how God used it to provide for my heart in such a deeper way than material possessions. But I thank him that he is faithful, reliable, and such an extravagant provider.