Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Gushy, gushy

I can't WAIT for you to see the baby's room coming together! My 2 wonderful, dear co-workers Bo and Kendrick came over last night, and together with Jason they just went to work transforming Baby King's room! The khaki we picked out for the walls turned out a little darker than I'd anticipated, but I still love it, and am so excited to see how fresh and lovely that room is beginning to look--someplace fit for our little princess when we finally get to bring her home! (And I love it that it'll be a beautiful, calming space for us to use when she's small, but also that it's not overwhelmingly baby-ish or girly, so she'll enjoy it for years to come, and it won't be an eye-sore when we're trying to sell the house!)

Jason has been wonderful, and I'm so proud of the way he's taken to preparing for Little One--from steam cleaning, to painting, to fixing furniture! I'm the type who likes things to be organized and I like to be in control, so in planning, I tend to get lost in details and sometimes overwhelmed in thinking what all I've got to do to get ready for this little bundle who's coming to join us. But over and over and over again, Jason reminds and reassures me (with actions, not just with words) that we are partners in all of this, and that my burden is half, and he will be with me and with our little one every step of the way, caring for, loving, and providing, with the same strength that I'm offering up. How do people do this on their own? How blessed I am to have a partner like Jason!

Love, love. Gushy, gushy.

Monday, July 12, 2010

My first baby shower! (And a taste of redemption)

There are so many emotions that compete for my heart these days, most of them joyous and peaceful. I've not been one of those pregnant moms who's worried about every little thing. Things have gone so smoothly for both me and Baby King, I really haven't had too much to worry about!

However, I will freely admit that a few weeks ago, in the shower (don't you do some of your best thinking in the shower?), I had a moment of panic. I never lost control of it, but still it was there, and it started nagging. We are finally getting the baby's room put in order, or at least starting to, and we've registered! So with an upcoming baby shower, 2 worries started nagging away at me--would we really either receive everything we'd need or be able to buy everything we'd need, and the even bigger worry, would anyone show up?

See, about 2 1/2 years ago, Jason and I married, and my dear friend and maid-of-honor Brandy hostessed a bridal shower for me, and I think all totaled, 6 people came. Including me, my mom, the hostess, and her mom. If you do the math, that's not really a lot of people left! It was beautiful, and helped to cement our friendship, but it was hard not to be disappointed. At that time, Jason and I had been back from Sarajevo for just a few months and were going through a lot of transition--particularly breaking away from our previous church. It was a time that hurt a lot, but also that I don't regret in the slightest--leaving that church, or in clinging all the more to Jason. But it came back to me in recent days, a great fear that things wouldn't be any different this time around.

And so the days leading up to my baby shower were emotional, and I spent a lot of time praying to God to place my confidence in Him, both to provide for us physically, and to prove that things were indeed different, that he was providing new friends and a place of belonging as well.

And do you know how God answered my prayers? Completely and extravagantly! Two of the dearest friends I've known, Emily Nelson and Liz Nash, hostessed the party, and when I walked into the house, everything was just so lovely and beautiful! From the way that the room had been set up, to the elaborate spread of goodies including decorated sugar cookies in the shapes of baby carriages and onesies, to the "diaper tree" set atop a darling homemade baby quilt that Emily made, everything was beautiful and special, but most of all were the faces of the ladies, mostly from my new church, standing around! And one by one, even more people started to come! Do you know how many ladies came to this shower? I didn't even have to count, I was just overwhelmed by an outpouring of love and acceptance for me and my little family. I truly had to fight back tears a number of times, just because things were so meaningful to me. Certainly by the gifts, but even more so by the people, God showed me that we're in a different place now, and he began to redeem some of the hurt and worry that had taken place in my heart. I could trust him even with something as important and delicate and difficult as relationships can be--I can certainly trust him with all our physical needs!

I don't know if anyone else in that room will know how important that simple baby shower was to me, or how much I appreciate it, or how God used it to provide for my heart in such a deeper way than material possessions. But I thank him that he is faithful, reliable, and such an extravagant provider.

Friday, July 2, 2010

6th letter to my child--viable!

My dearest child,

I can't tell you what a joy you've already been to me. I absolutely love being pregnant with you, and experiencing your growth. It's amazing to me to think that just a few short weeks ago (25, to be exact), you were just a "gleam in your mother's eye". But now, baby daughter, I'm happy to say, you're viable!

Of course I didn't want to tell you before that you weren't, but now, well, if anything were to happen (which it definitely won't, because we're both doing SO WELL, and strong and healthy), but if anything WERE to happen, you can survive on your own in the outside world! (Well alright, you might need a LITTLE assistance, but as important as anything is that legally now the doctors would give it to you!)

I'm just so excited for the way you're growing and changing, and as always, oh so very proud of you.

Oh yeah, this also marks over halfway through! Actually you were halfway through at 20 weeks, but this seemed like the bigger landmark for me. When I first got pregnant, before very much observable was happening I thought how I wished things would move along quicker, and would it really take a whole 9 months for you to be ready for the world? But now that I am aware of you growing and moving, right on target and just as you should be, I just want to enjoy all of these special moments we have together, with you just as close as can be.

(You must be sensing my good vibes right now, cause you just started moving around a little!)

I love you a lot and am doing my best to take good care of you and keep us both healthy and happy, and I really think it's all working.

Lots of love!
Your mama