Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Pregnancy signs

I think part of pregnancy means worrying. You will worry. You worry if you feel too much, or too bad, and you worry if you don't feel much, and if you feel good. I'm in week 11 now, and actually, feeling better, and more energetic. But what's funny is, because I'm not feeling too much, sometimes I wonder if anything is really happening inside me. It's a weird and sometimes scary thing to think about, and although really I don't have any particular thing to be worried about, that worries me. I dreamt I could feel the baby moving inside me a few weeks ago, definitely just a dream, but sometimes still I'll sit really still and try to feel... something. Baby, are you doing ok in there??

I have started to gain weight slowly, so I'm hoping that's a sign of a healthy pregnancy and not a sign that I'm just letting myself eat whatever I want. Of course I don't want to just pile on the weight, but it's like that's the only real outward sign I have that I really am pregnant. Tight and uncomfortable pants! I've been trying to be careful about gaining weight, and it seems like everything I'm reading these days is talking about "healthy pregnancy weight gain", and how it's more about nutrition, etc, etc. So now that I'm pregnant I feel like I have to pay MORE attention to what I'm able to eat instead of less! (Although, some of my nutrition guidelines HAVE loosened up. For example, tortilla chips are a great source of whole grain, and salsa is a perfect serving of vegetables! And thank goodness for that cheese dip! Gotta get dairy in there too! And for the record, I DID ask my waiter if the cheese was pasturized, and he said yes. Yes!) So... I prefer about 5 meals a day instead of whatever it was I used to eat, and I prefer to have a little snack just before my scheduled lunch break to make time for a nap under my desk during lunch if I can get one. (George Castanza, eat your heart out.)

So, my clothes are tight, I'm irritable and emotional, and I want to go to bed by 9:00 every evening. I guess those are 3 outward signs. So things are probably moving along just how they should be. I have another doctor's check-up scheduled for next week, so it'll be reassuring for him to TELL me that everything is looking good.

But at the end of it all, I have to cut myself a break, because I've never been pregnant before, and I'm just doing the best I can to take care of myself, my husband, my job, and of course this little baby. I'm beginning to pray more, because more and more I'm experiencing that things are just out of my control, and all I can do is the best I can do, and take each of life's challenges a day at a time. (Jason had foot surgery last week, so things have been a little different around here, including my foray into driving the stick shift truck to work, stalling out time and time and time again in traffic, and helping him up and around the house as much as possible.) More often than not I don't sleep well these days, although I'm desperately tired, but the late night hours make good opportunities to just cry out to God and try try try to settle myself under his care. I came across 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you, and Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righeous fall, and Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And you know what? I slept. So... I'm going to try to keep nestling myself into that great comfort. That and stretchy pants. :)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Babies ain't the only thing growin' round here

I've also gotten into gardening in the last year or so. This year we started some snow peas and roma tomatoes from seeds, and they're growing! I don't know if I've grown a seed since I put that lima bean in the plastic baggie with the wet paper towel in 3rd grade! But they're growing! I can't wait for some sugar snap peas, and some yummy tomatos!

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(We also planted some marigolds, but so far they just look like dirt. I'll post another picture when and if they come up!)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Things I'm craving:

Maternity Yoga DVD
Heating Pad
(Who said it's all about food cravings?)

Names we like:

For a boy:
Caedmon--"Wise Warrior." I have no idea what Caedmon's Call is all about... maybe we ought to check them out first. But so far this name is our frontrunner.
Ryker--derivitave of Richard. Kind of trendy, and I think I like it more than Jason does. But Richard means "Brave Ruler." Kind of cool. I have seen where Ryker on its own means "Becoming rich", which isn't a bad thing to wish on your child, but maybe not necessarily how I'm trying to label them.
Uriah--"God is my light", and famous for Bathsheba's warrior husband that King David had killed. Jason suggested this one a long time ago. I hated it at first, but we've talked about it so long it sounds normal and cool to me now. Maybe we'd call him Uri. I might have a hard time letting this name go for something more normal sounding! :)
Samson--because a strong name is important. I don't think either of us are really committed to this name. But somehow it made the list.
Bryant--Maybe for a middle name. Jason's mom's maiden name.

For a girl:
Adria--"Person from hadria (region in Italy)" In honor of the time we spent in Bosnia and that region of the world, and where Jason and I really fell in love.
Evangeline--"Messenger of Good News." Because what a life calling for a little person, and because it's cool as hell
Eleanor--Meaning unknown on this one. I don't like that too much. But we like this name b/c we like the old fashioned sounding names.
Ariel--Jason likes this one, means "Lion of God", but I'm not sure I can get past the Little Mermaid. :)
Holland--maybe for a middle name. It's my mom's maiden name, and would be in honor of that branch of the fam.

I like names that mean something significant; I feel like I'm going to gift my child with that identity somehow. So I want to like the meaning of it, first of all, and we want to stay away from anything in the top 10, or even top 100. I just don't want our kids in the class with 3 other kids with the same name. And, I like the classic sounding names. Easier to come up with cool classic sounding girl names than boy names, cause I'm really not feeling any names that make me feel like I'm talking about an old man. :) Anyway, we're really just compiling the list, so we'll see which direction it grows in.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pregnancy, weeks 7, 8, and 9

I like to think that if I were to be pregnant again in the future (I know, one at a time, and I've got to get through this one!), I could look back on this little blog and remember what my experience was like this first time, and so freak out less the second time around. Although I have to say, in general, I'm not really freaking about much. In general I'm feeling really positive, and I'm just trying to stay as healthy as I can and to focus on how I can feel as good as I can! I saw our little wiggly baby move and heard the heartbeat, and unless I start having cramping and bleeding, I'm going to remember that healthy and happy little wiggle. And I know every woman is different, and every pregnancy is different, but it seems valuable to me to remember the experiences I'm having now.

Week 7 may have been the worst week so far. I started to feel "pregnancy symptoms" in week 6, but they got worse in week 7. Mom and I had planned a quick trip to Ohio to visit my grandma, so we flew out on one of the only flights that got out of Atlanta during the "March Blizzard of 2010" (not to be confused with the January or February Blizzard--who can believe we had snow in GA all 3 mos? Global warming, anyone?). Anyway, we spent a lot of time waiting in the airport for our flight to finally get out, spent a pretty uncomfortable but uneventful flight up to Dayton, and then had a great visit with my Grandma and Uncle Len. (Incidentally, I wasn't sure what to expect from her, since I haven't seen her in years, and not since the alzheimers has taken over her mind a bit more, but she recognized me, and understood the news when I told her I was going to have a baby and she was going to be a great-grandmother over again, and she just acted like a child, but a sweet and endearing child.) However, by the time we got to the hotel that night, I was absolutely ready to drop, I was so terribly exhausted. Whenever we got to the next place (terminal gate, airplane, rental car, Grandma and Len's, etc), I'd just try an find a place to sit and not move. But besides the traveling, my stomach was unsettled pretty much the whole week, enough to be pretty uncomfortable, but not to make me sick, and I had some trouble sleeping during this week.

However, I must have picked something up on the flight on the way home, because that Wednesday night I ended up sick every hour on the hour for about 12 hours. DEFINITELY not pregnancy related, but the internet and the doctor said that kind of thing doesn't usually cross over to the baby. But anyway, the rest of week 7 was spent trying to recooperate, get settled, and regain some strength.

Week 8 definitely seemed better than week 7, but because of the sickness, anything would have seemed better! However, my stomach finally did seem to settle some, and besides being super-exhausted at work on Monday and Wednesday (our busy reporting days), I began to think I might be feeling better.

And besides, at the end of week 8 is when we got to see our baby! That'll make you feel better and forget the discomforts for sure!

But by week 9 (my current week), I feel like I can definitely say I'm on an upswing. I'm grateful I never had any serious nausea or digestion problems due to morning (or afternoon or evening) sickness, but I am glad to be feeling stronger, more settled, a little more energetic, and to be sleeping better.

The new norm is waking up to pee (already, are you kidding?), but I have been falling right back to sleep, gratefully. For weeks 6-8 I really liked to have a little snack (granola bar, crackers, etc) before getting up in the mornings, and eating small regular snacks throughout the day helped to keep me energized and keep my empty stomach from really getting queasy. If it was possible, I liked to take a little cat-nap during the day to get me through. And usually, in the mornings once I had something in my system and started moving around I began to feel more normal.

However, I am still feeling pretty tired and lazy, and the daylight savings change hasn't helped me get up this week at all. So here I am on a Wednesday night at 9:30, in the middle of week 9--and I think I'm going to call it a night!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Second letter to my baby

My dear child,
Your Daddy and I got to go to the doctor's this morning and see your first sonogram. You're growing in my belly. I think you must be about an inch big, and you've already got little arms and legs forming, along with all the rest of your systems! Before we knew it, the sonogram tech had your picture on the screen, and just like a miracle, we could see you! It was indescribable to be able to practically see inside my belly, but it looked like you have a good place to grow, and I'm so happy about that. We also got to hear your little heartbeat for the first time. It was such an amazing and happy sound! It sounded like this: "ka-chung, ka-chung, ka-chung", strong and fast! I think you must be a very strong baby already, because you were wiggling around, and your heartbeat is around 180, which the tech said was very good. As soon as I saw the picture and heard the sound of your heartbeat, I started to get happy tears in my eyes, and your Daddy said the same thing happened to him. He said the sight of you broke his heart (but he meant that in a very good way!)

We're both very excited to have you in our lives, and that you're growing very well. We're both proud of you, and we both love you so much. Sometimes Daddy will put his ear on my belly to see if he can hear you in there (which he never can), but then he'll tell you that he loves you. I hope somehow you can hear him!

We started telling our friends about you today, too, and they were all so excited for us, and excited to get to meet you. Keep growing strong and healthy, and I'll do my best to take care of you as you're growing. I love you!

Love,
Mom

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6 weeks pregnant

So here's the thing about being 6 weeks pregnant. You've actually only been pregnant for 4 weeks! It has literally taken me weeks to get it straight--wait, how many weeks pregnant am I now? LMC: 1/8/10, Date of Conception: 1/22/10, Weeks Pregnant: square root of an apple, carry the 14... 6 weeks. Don't ask me why.

Things are starting to sink in a little more now that my body is changing, but so far it's not all that pleasant, so I haven't really started developing those warm baby feelings yet.

My chest is bigger, which Jason likes, but to me it just feels like they're swollen. (And let's be honest, going from size "A" to a size "A-plus" still really doesn't qualify you for Victoria's Secret.) No food aversions, but I feel queasy pretty much all the time. (The little trick about eating a snack before you roll out of bed in the mornings really is priceless.) And I am exhausted all the time! I wouldn't go quite so far as to say I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck, but, well, you get the idea.

I haven't gained any weight yet, which I'm happy about, but I'm not really worried about it either... I know it'll come, and I want for me and this little'un to both just be healthy and feel good. I think he (she? it? I just can't call it an "it"!) is already forming his (or her) heart and nervous system! It's amazing to think of the things that are happening inside right now! Grow strong little guy, and don't worry--Mommy's taking care of it!

Gotta go take a nap.

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2-21-10 Telling my parents

I wanted so badly to tell my parents they were going to be grandparents in person, but since my Nanny has been so sick, it was hard for them to make plans to get away, so when I couldn't wait any longer, I told Jason we were just going to call.

My mom answered the phone, and when I asked her to have dad pick up (which isn't something we ever do), I think she may have been afraid of what was up! But once dad got on the phone, I told them I had Jason there too, and we had some news for them I couldn't wait to tell them--they were going to be grandparents again!

And then, on the other end of the phone--silence!

Finally Dad kind of chuckled and said, "what have you two been doing!"

--Ackward!--
Jason and I just looked at each other, and then he piped up, "uh, nothing sir!" But by then Dad was laughing, and he told us, "your mother is on the other end of the phone just boo-hooing!"

And then her whispered voice piped up--"how long have you known?"

At this point, I wasn't really sure what was happening on the other end of the line--was she happy? Were they upset? Was she breathing??

"As long as we've been trying to get you guys to come up!" I told her, and she started to sound a bit more normal. But it's clear--we surprised her!

She recovered nicely once she got over the shock and managed to stop crying, and we too, enjoyed a nice chat about what things had been like when I was a baby, and before long they were asking questions and helping to make plans and I knew, they were happy tears.

Welcome little baby King!

2-11-10 Telling Jason's Parents

I went to take an official test at the doctor's office today, and the results were confirmed. As I sat in the little lab technician's chair, she casually looked at the results and told me, "your test is positive, and that gives you a due date of... October 13." She didn't even look at me when she said it, she was so casual, but it was just as well, because if she'd have looked she'd have seen that I was crying again. It's just so big and so powerful, and all of a sudden so real and we even have a due date! I know she probably goes through the same routine any number of times a week, but this is a first for me, this is a big deal for me. I hoped she knew they were happy tears!

That night we went to have dinner with Jason's parents. We'd decided to wait to tell people until we were a little farther along, but surely that didn't include family! After all, if something did happen, we'd need them. So once we were done with dinner and sitting around the table relaxing, Jason baited his parents: "so are you guys ready?"

"We were born ready!" his dad answered. "Uh, ready for what?"

"Are you ready to be grandparents?"

Both their eyes snapped onto me, and all of a sudden I was crying again! "It's true", I said, "I went to the doctor today, and we're due in October!"

In typical King fashion, his dad, grinning, started pumping his fist in the air and said the same thing he said during our wedding toast--"Y'all just made my day!" And his mom, also grinning and face lit up, although ever the worrier, added, "you just better start saving now!"

We enjoyed the rest of the evening talking about when Ann was pregnant with Jason, and wondering what life would be like with a little one. It may not have been a storybook scripted response, nothing eloquent or profound was said, but I think it was perfect for tonight.

2-5-10 Finding out

We woke up the morning of the 5th, the morning of Jason's 30th birthday, before the alarm clock went off, and spent a few rare moments talking before we had to get up. Jason put his arms around me and actually said, "I hope you have a baby in there." I remembered the pregnancy test I had in the bathroom, and told him we could find out right then!

So morning snuggle be darned, next thing I know I was peeing on a stick, and we just looked at each other while we waited for something to happen. Slowly, we saw 2 pink lines, one dark, and one much fainter. 2 pink lines?! What does that mean?! And what does it mean when one is darker than the other?!

Neither of us jumped to any conclusions that morning, but the seed was planted, and for the first time I let myself think it, "I'm pregnant!"

I had already planned to work a half day that day because of Jason's birthday party that night, so I stopped and bought another test on the way home. I couldn't wait for him to get home from school, so took this one by myself, and there was nothing ambiguous about it: Pregnant.

I AM PREGNANT!

After waiting for my heart rate to return to normal, I rushed to wrap the stick up in some Superman wrapping paper, and waited for Jason to get home. He found the little present on the counter and started opening it, and I could tell he had no idea... but when he opened it and saw the word written there his eyes shot up to mine--"We're really pregnant?" His face was so happy and excited, and I hope I never forget that look. And then we both started shouting and he jumped up and down and I started to cry.

We're pregnant!

**By the way, I feel as though I ought to clarify that the test was clean, and the only dirty part of it had been capped back off!**

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First letter to my baby

My dear child,
Before you began to exist, I wanted you, and before you were conceived, I loved you. Your daddy and I love each other very much. We feel like we've found an extraordinary love, and are so lucky to have each other. And we started talking about you months ago, wondering what it would be like to bring another into our love. And on February 5, 2010, your daddy's 30th birthday, we took a test and found out you were coming! It was the best birthday present I could have gotten for him, and we were both so excited. I wish you could have seen his face when he found out about you, but this is how we reacted to the positive test--I cried, and he jumped up and down!

I don't know what to expect, but for right now, I'm just hoping and praying for you as you grow and develop that you are strong and healthy, and I'll do my best to take care of you along the way. I love you already, and will be thinking of you always.

Love, Mom